seal with a smile

TheReasonJimmyKimmel'sWifeIs
ApparentlyJimmyKimmelisoneofthosegeniuseswhocancreateartoutofpancakebatter,andhe'sbeencookingupmasterpiecesforhis3-year-olddaughter,Jane,forthefewmonths.However,despitehistoddler'simmenseappreciationforthedeliciousworksofart,Kimmel'swife—andthecoheadwriterofJimmyKimmelLive!—MollyMcNearney,isfeelingquitetheopposite:she'spissedhe'ssetthebarsohigh.
InanessaysharedwiththeWashingtonPost,McNearneylaidoutwhyKimmel'spancakesare"makingherlifehell,"andthoughhilarious,herstruggleissorelatablewecan'thelpbutcommiserate.
McNearneystartsbymarvelingoverhoweventhoughherhusbandshouldbeexhaustedafterhislatenightshow,hewakesupinthemorningand"withaquicksqueezeofasquirtbottle,spurtscartooncharactersontoahotgriddle."Andthoughtheseimpressivepancakesweresomethingsheadmiredinthebeginning,theworkingmomadmitsshe'sexhausted,andKimmel'selaboratebreakfastartnowmakesherfeelinadequate.
Hisartisticabilityhasbecomemyburden.Whenheisn'thome,ourdaughtersitsatthekitchentable,glaresatmeandsays,"Iwantapancake.PeppaPig."Shedoesn'tevenknowthatpancakesareround.Itrytosellheronabowlofoatmeal.Itellherit'sWonderWomanfood.Shedoesn'tbuyit.Shedemandstheedibleartsheisaccustomedto.Icaveandnervouslypromiseherapancake."I'llmakeyoua'brownball'!"Shelooksatmewithconfusion,followedbypityandthendisgust.Atantrumfollows.Beingamotherishardenough.PancakeartistisNOTinthejobdescription.Iattemptedasmileyfaceonce.Idon'twanttotalkaboutit.
AlthoughMcNearney'sessayisoveralllightheartedandshedoesgenuinelyseemappreciativeofherhusband'scookingskills,wecan'thelpbutidentifyalittletoohardwithherpartingstatements.
"OnedaymychildrenwillappreciatethefactthatIgavebirthtothemandstayedupallnightbreast-feedingandrubbinggrowingpainsoutoftheirlegs,"shewrote."OnedaytheywillrememberthatIalwayshadasnackinmypurseandababywipeinmyglovecompartment.TheymighteventhankmeforteachingthemgoodmannersifIdiditsuccessfully.Untilthen,I'llmakewaffles."